I Would Like Some Friends Please

So here I am sitting at my computer.  The problem?  It's 12:30am on a Saturday night (so Sunday morning if you want to be technical).  The other problem?  This is way too common for me.  My kids have been asleep since 10, my wife went to bed about 11:30, and I have no desire to go to sleep.

I want to party.  I want to have fun.  But alas I cannot.  I have no friends within reasonable driving distance with whom to hang out.  And when I say "party," please understand...I don't necessarily mean keg stands and dance clubs.  Dinner and drinks or a game of cards would do just nicely.

I moved to this town almost two years ago.  I had high hopes that my wife and I would meet some people with whom we could socialize.  Nothing materialized after a year but I kept my hopes up.  It had only been a year, after all.  Friendships take time to develop.  Or so I assumed.  We haven't had true friends (ones we could call up, invite over, or meet somewhere) since we moved away from our first home in 2007.  Those friends are too far away from us now for frequent get-togethers.

I love my children and am very thankful for the time I am able to spend with them.  But I yearn for "grown up time."  I have babysitters at my disposal!  Just no reason to use them.

I just don't understand it.  How do people do it?  How do people make friends?  I should know as I am now in my 37th year of life on this planet.  But maybe that's the problem right there.  I'll turn 37 in the fall.  Most people have already established long-lasting friendships.  They are not looking to invite a new couple into their social circle.  We're outsiders looking in.  I see people posting on Facebook and Twitter and it depresses the hell out of me.  I get so jealous.  Perhaps envious is a better word.  I see people who take family vacations with other families.  People who go out bar-hopping or simply out to dinner and post photos. I wish I could experience that.

I really don't mean to brag, but I have to state a few things.

1. I am a really nice guy.  You'll just have to trust me on that. In fact, speaking of trust, if you get to know me well enough you'll know that I am trustworthy, live up to my promises, and am willing to help you with things without any thought of reward or payback.  I just enjoy helping others.

2. I am eager to please.  I'll laugh at your jokes, no matter how funny.  I'll make sure that I compliment you.  I'll offer to help build your picnic table, take care of your cat while you're away, help you move to a new house, and help pull your shrubs out from your front yard (all among the true things I've offered to acquaintances since we've moved to this town).

3. I'm a heck of a lot of fun.  At least I think so. There's not much I won't do.  I can be wild and crazy or I can be laid back.  I am a professional DJ.  I love music.  I love to dance.  I'll enjoy an alcoholic beverage or two or three.  I can keep it family-friendly but I am also willing to step into the boundaries of vulgarity.  I love sports and enjoy both playing and watching them.

Those all seem like the ingredients for a good friend, right?  For someone fun to hang out with?  Yet, here I sit...again.  Through youth sports, boy scouts, work, church, and my kids' school, we have met a lot of people since the move.  Yet, here I sit...again.  We've made modest efforts to socialize.  We've invited four acquaintances over to our house on four separate occasions for cookouts.  Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.  Guess how many of those four reciprocated and invited us to do something with them?  Zero.

This situation hit me hard this week when I arrived to pick up my kids from bible school.  The final day of the school was held at one of our local parks.  When I arrived, I stood and watched the closing ceremony.  It was then that I happened to glance around and notice that I seemed to be the only person standing alone.  Other parents who were watching were standing with other parents, laughing and conversing quietly.  Two years here and nobody knew me well enough to say hello or stand with me.  Conversely, nobody I knew well enough to say hello to or stand with.

So it's not like I've sit here and watched out my window hoping for a friend to miraculously appear and knock on my door.  We've put forth some effort.  Yet nothing has materialized.

I am generally happy.  I have a great wife and great kids.  We have a great home.  We have two great dogs.  We have great jobs that allow us to put food on the table and enjoy a few luxuries now and again.  But I think it's very possible for someone to be generally happy but still feel like something significant is missing.  For me, it's friendship. I am not enjoying life like I should.  I'm not looking for much.  I don't need to be bar-hopping and partying every weekend.  But is it too much to ask for some adult conversation over dinner and drinks once a month or so?  I really don't think it is.  But I really don't know how to fix this.  How does a 37 year old guy and his wife make friends?

It's 1:15am now. So I'm off to bed.  Another uneventful evening of me, myself, and I at the computer.  Bet there are a bunch of couples out there finishing up a much more enjoyable evening.